Reserve Owl FAQ

How can I be sure if an owl is a Reserve Owl?

Firstly test it's call. Ask it what a Reserve Owl says. If it responds with a conventional hoot then, chances are, you're dealing with a normal owl (such as a John's Mate's Owl - which is really big!). If on the other hand it exclaims "F*ck Off!" then it's definitely a Reserve Owl. Unprovoked cries such as "Reeeeeeeergh", "C*nt", "Arse", "F*ck" are another give away.
Secondly, see if it's exhibiting any of it's Reserved Owl Rights. (See below)
Thirdly, to check that you're not being deceived by a rogue mollusc, make sure that it passes the slug test.

What are the Reserved Owl Rights?

1. To have a pre-going-out dump (sometimes known as a pre-fight shite).
2. To bring home women whose names begin with oooooooo (such as Uma Thurman).

What do Reserve Owls do?

When they're not being harrassed - a favourite leisure pastime of any Reserve Owl worth it's salt (i.e. having passed the slug test), the Reserve Owl likes to go out at night hunting small animals with a cat.
This is done mainly for fun (as opposed to for nutrition) because the Reserve Owl lives mainly on a staple diet of yoghurt pots and burnt fish which it will spend hours devouring after a nights hunting.
Other favourite pastimes include fighting, soaring, swinging and drinking.

How do I summon down a Reserve Owl?

Using the power of the oooooooo.

How does a Reserve Owl make it's nest?

Reserve Owls often possess just rudimentary plumage - many beleive this to have the sole function of forming the basis of a good nest. Once every two months (three in winter), the Reserve Owl will remove the majority of it's plumage and leave it in a pile for several weeks. If none of the Reserve Owl's rivals place pressure upon him/her this may remain unchanged for a very long time. Once enough pressure is applied though, your normal Reserve Owl will lock himself in his room and secretly use the hairs to stuff his nest. He then maintains his nest by lying on it each evening and performing a pipe banging ceremony. (His rivals must pretend to know nothing of this for the sake of the Reserve Owl's dignity)

What do Reserve Owls eat?

Burnt fish and yoghurt pots.

What impresses a Reserve Owl?

1. John's Mate's Owl.
2. Mackerel.

What's the Hungarian equivalent of a Reserve Owl?

Bizarrely the Hungarian's don't have a concept of a "Reserve Owl". Instead, they have their own special breed of owl known as The Rezbagoly, or The Copper Owl. Rezbagolys often run restaurants in Hungary and will happily accomodate tourists. One word of warning, don't let your Reserve Owl see a Rezbagoly or your Reserve Owl will be jealous of the cudos these (not so distant) relatives have attained.

Now, to test you've been paying attention, here's a ...

Reserve Owl Quiz